Saturday, March 6, 2010
Live it up, MATS
1) gullible and naive
the two words above basically described how i was in my teens. i kind of kicked of early (sexually) compared to my other girlfriends. i was flirty, i was too adventurous. which is very scary. when i was only 13, i got to know this guy who was 7 years older than me. he was in his NS at that point of time. cannot recall how i got to know him. we started talking on the phone. we never met then. we lost contact for about 2 years before i heard form him again. he called me at my home. check check check, he told me he got engaged.. he told me it was kononnye a forced engagement. he said he always thought about me. and his mother did not allow him to contact any other girls. (yeah right!) at that point of time i was single.
we continued talking despite me knowing that he was someone's fiance. i did not care as i was beginning to develop feelings towards him. but i suppressed them. until one day, he told me that he is with the wrong girl. he wanted to be with me. i was the one he should be engaged too. he said age does not matter to him. so.. it actually meant that he was developing feelings towards me too. but it was impossible as he was engaged. i would not want to be a relationship breaker. not me. i told him we should not contact each other anymore. he was upset. for about 3 months since that day, we did not contact. until one day, he called me up at home again. telling me that he broke off his engagement. he told his mother that he could not go on lying in that relationship. so.. he was single and i was too. (oh yes, by then, we have actually met 3 or 4 times).
one nice evening, we were talking on the phone and he asked me to be with him. he wanted me to be his before anyone else take me away from him. me, having feelings for him, said yes. so, there began our relationship.
2) stupid and soft-hearted
i can honestly tell you that when i was in that relationship, i think i became blind, stupid and too soft-hearted. (i am an outrageously patient lady). one day he decided to bring me to a hotel for an overnight (not pangkeng, you). a nice, quite expensive hotel to chill out. and yes, still mind a virgin. we had a nice dinner and had a great time joking with each other. at that point of time we were already in our first year for our relationship. we hugged. we kissed. we touched. we caressed. until he whispered into my ear and said, "let's make love, you love me, i love you. so, why are we still waiting for?" like i said, i was stupid and stupidly-blindly in love with him. and so.. it happened. since that day, everytime we meet, we often end up making love. he would spend hundreds of dollar every month, bringing me to hotel just to make love. he has a super high sex drive. i was a beginner, i was suffering but i kept quiet and tried to enjoy because i love him. at one time we went there for an hour or two, we could actually make love for more than 5 times. and imagine, 2 or 3 times a week like that??? i endured. our relationship lasted long. 3 years down the road we were still together, despite the crash and burns i got from him.
3)blind and vulnerable
in that 3 years, only God knew what i was going through then. to cut it short, he cheated on me more than 5 times! yes, say i am stupid for holding on, but i was young, vulnerable. ergh. imagine, in spent my first ever pay to get him a handphone that he had been dreaming of. to know that 3 months later, when i checked on him thorough his handphone, i found messages of other girls. not one, two or three. but many! (mama, papa crap and stuff). not only that. found some pictures of him with other girls! not one, two or three. and and and, the best part is, some of the pictures, it looked like the background of a freaking hotel! (i was not that stupid). still, i stayed with him.
4) changed and cheater
knowing that my guy was cheating on me, i was becoming a bitch. i started to have scandals outside of my relationship. i was ever faithful and loyal but to know that it does not pay to be such a girlfriend, so i became a bitch without him knowing. i was cleverer than him. i was smooth with my lies. (learnt it all from him of course!). he did not suspect anything at all. hah! however, deep inside me, i did not like what i was doing. i began getting to know more guys. lying to them. meeting them behind his back. and even made out and made love with most of them. i felt that i was venting my anger in the utmost wrong way. but i did not care then as i wanted to hurt as many guys due to my frustration on him. through that remaining 2 years of the relationship, i actually cheated behind him with 6 guys. i was lucky i did not contract anything. i was bad. real bad. i stopped when i got to know a bunch of awesome girlfriends who advised me on my wrongdoings.
5) broke up and the-other-guy
i later realised, a bit too late, that i did not deserve that. i did not mention the fact that he was abusive at times too. but i endured. gosh. i was so darn stupid. i broke up with him and remained single for a year plus. did not bother to know any guy. i was busy finding my true self and also concentrated with my diploma studies. i was glad i had my girlfriends who got me on their back at the times i needed most. there are actually so much to say but i could only write so much. if only i can record my story down when i'm talking it out.
so, 3 year ago, when i was 20. i got to know this guy. the same age as i am. i did not want to make the same mistake. became more cautious, attentive to details and not to be trapped. alhamdullillah. he kind of guided me to the right path. i told him my history with my ex only. not the scandals. i just can't reveal it to anyone except TMS. i can never. he accepted me the way i am although it was tough for him. initially in the relationship i was quite resistant on making love with him. must be the so-called addiction. every single time i tried, he would stop me. no guy has ever done that. not once but countless times. at times, i actually got fed up but he talked sense into me. he told me that i definitely not want to repeat the mistake i made years ago. he changed me. and he is going to be my husband in a year time. and till now, i live life with no regrets. syukur.
moral: girls, please heed the advise of not to be too soft hearted and gullible with guy's words. we have to uphold our own respect and morals. i may have lost mine years ago, but i believe i am regaining it bit by bit with the help of loved ones and of course, god. guys, i am not being biased and whatnot, but i am speaking from experience. do not take it too hard. i believe not all guys are the same. just minority. i mean, if you love somebody, sex is not the way to prove it. it does not do any good, but more harm.
cheers. ¶ 10:20:00 AM
From:________________________________
Sent: 02 March 2010 23: 24PM
Living life with no regrets...
i have been reading your blog for few weeks now. and i am so loving it.. :)
okay, i have a story about my own experience that happened about 6 years back, when i was in my teens.
1) gullible and naive
the two words above basically described how i was in my teens. i kind of kicked of early (sexually) compared to my other girlfriends. i was flirty, i was too adventurous. which is very scary. when i was only 13, i got to know this guy who was 7 years older than me. he was in his NS at that point of time. cannot recall how i got to know him. we started talking on the phone. we never met then. we lost contact for about 2 years before i heard form him again. he called me at my home. check check check, he told me he got engaged.. he told me it was kononnye a forced engagement. he said he always thought about me. and his mother did not allow him to contact any other girls. (yeah right!) at that point of time i was single.
we continued talking despite me knowing that he was someone's fiance. i did not care as i was beginning to develop feelings towards him. but i suppressed them. until one day, he told me that he is with the wrong girl. he wanted to be with me. i was the one he should be engaged too. he said age does not matter to him. so.. it actually meant that he was developing feelings towards me too. but it was impossible as he was engaged. i would not want to be a relationship breaker. not me. i told him we should not contact each other anymore. he was upset. for about 3 months since that day, we did not contact. until one day, he called me up at home again. telling me that he broke off his engagement. he told his mother that he could not go on lying in that relationship. so.. he was single and i was too. (oh yes, by then, we have actually met 3 or 4 times).
one nice evening, we were talking on the phone and he asked me to be with him. he wanted me to be his before anyone else take me away from him. me, having feelings for him, said yes. so, there began our relationship.
2) stupid and soft-hearted
i can honestly tell you that when i was in that relationship, i think i became blind, stupid and too soft-hearted. (i am an outrageously patient lady). one day he decided to bring me to a hotel for an overnight (not pangkeng, you). a nice, quite expensive hotel to chill out. and yes, still mind a virgin. we had a nice dinner and had a great time joking with each other. at that point of time we were already in our first year for our relationship. we hugged. we kissed. we touched. we caressed. until he whispered into my ear and said, "let's make love, you love me, i love you. so, why are we still waiting for?" like i said, i was stupid and stupidly-blindly in love with him. and so.. it happened. since that day, everytime we meet, we often end up making love. he would spend hundreds of dollar every month, bringing me to hotel just to make love. he has a super high sex drive. i was a beginner, i was suffering but i kept quiet and tried to enjoy because i love him. at one time we went there for an hour or two, we could actually make love for more than 5 times. and imagine, 2 or 3 times a week like that??? i endured. our relationship lasted long. 3 years down the road we were still together, despite the crash and burns i got from him.
3)blind and vulnerable
in that 3 years, only God knew what i was going through then. to cut it short, he cheated on me more than 5 times! yes, say i am stupid for holding on, but i was young, vulnerable. ergh. imagine, in spent my first ever pay to get him a handphone that he had been dreaming of. to know that 3 months later, when i checked on him thorough his handphone, i found messages of other girls. not one, two or three. but many! (mama, papa crap and stuff). not only that. found some pictures of him with other girls! not one, two or three. and and and, the best part is, some of the pictures, it looked like the background of a freaking hotel! (i was not that stupid). still, i stayed with him.
4) changed and cheater
knowing that my guy was cheating on me, i was becoming a bitch. i started to have scandals outside of my relationship. i was ever faithful and loyal but to know that it does not pay to be such a girlfriend, so i became a bitch without him knowing. i was cleverer than him. i was smooth with my lies. (learnt it all from him of course!). he did not suspect anything at all. hah! however, deep inside me, i did not like what i was doing. i began getting to know more guys. lying to them. meeting them behind his back. and even made out and made love with most of them. i felt that i was venting my anger in the utmost wrong way. but i did not care then as i wanted to hurt as many guys due to my frustration on him. through that remaining 2 years of the relationship, i actually cheated behind him with 6 guys. i was lucky i did not contract anything. i was bad. real bad. i stopped when i got to know a bunch of awesome girlfriends who advised me on my wrongdoings.
5) broke up and the-other-guy
i later realised, a bit too late, that i did not deserve that. i did not mention the fact that he was abusive at times too. but i endured. gosh. i was so darn stupid. i broke up with him and remained single for a year plus. did not bother to know any guy. i was busy finding my true self and also concentrated with my diploma studies. i was glad i had my girlfriends who got me on their back at the times i needed most. there are actually so much to say but i could only write so much. if only i can record my story down when i'm talking it out.
so, 3 year ago, when i was 20. i got to know this guy. the same age as i am. i did not want to make the same mistake. became more cautious, attentive to details and not to be trapped. alhamdullillah. he kind of guided me to the right path. i told him my history with my ex only. not the scandals. i just can't reveal it to anyone except TMS. i can never. he accepted me the way i am although it was tough for him. initially in the relationship i was quite resistant on making love with him. must be the so-called addiction. every single time i tried, he would stop me. no guy has ever done that. not once but countless times. at times, i actually got fed up but he talked sense into me. he told me that i definitely not want to repeat the mistake i made years ago. he changed me. and he is going to be my husband in a year time. and till now, i live life with no regrets. syukur.
moral: girls, please heed the advise of not to be too soft hearted and gullible with guy's words. we have to uphold our own respect and morals. i may have lost mine years ago, but i believe i am regaining it bit by bit with the help of loved ones and of course, god. guys, i am not being biased and whatnot, but i am speaking from experience. do not take it too hard. i believe not all guys are the same. just minority. i mean, if you love somebody, sex is not the way to prove it. it does not do any good, but more harm.
cheers. ¶ 10:20:00 AM
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